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"we crossing out here. we ready to die out here​.​"

by i'm doing okay. how are you?

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1.
hey friends i don't you to be perfect i just need you to exist i know it looked i was hopeful cost a lot [of energy,] selling it 022 220 x32 33 022 220 x32 10 oh god how can anyone begin again god don't talk and none of you text so i'm just listening hey friends i don't need you to be perfect i just need you to exist tell me about all your struggles so i can hang on to help with them tell me about what you're doing to keep life worth living—it is so goddamn expensive i can't possibly be sustainable for every input there's just one output i guess that's just how i function now without you all
2.
[version 1: x3x055 the craziest thing about jumping off the ladder you've been climbing your entire life ever since you could climb is rolling your neck around, spotting the landing and realizing i'm not falling at all. i'm not falling at all. i'm not falling at all. i'm not falling at all. i'm not falling at all. i'm not falling at all. and even though i had thought I was way off the ground i'm not falling at all. i'm not falling at all. i'm not falling at all. i had basically gone nowhere and i understand in abstract what it's like, this thing love this memory of dying, the dog the joy that can't cut through the slog even though it once was big enough to talk about and own going home and hearing reading about some constant upward tug some constant joyous shove and feeling more scared than anything looking and knowing i'm not falling at all. i'm not falling at all. i'm not falling at all. i'm not falling at all. i'm not falling at all. i'm not falling at all. and even though i had thought we were way off the ground i'm not falling at all. i'm not falling at all. i'm not falling at all. i had basically gone nowhere serious
3.
naviance 04:56
capo 5 [300230] my kids are writing letters to students who are hurricane survivors someone asked me 'is just keep swimming' offensive [to include] i mean, kinda it's def not tasteful, no and i am writing letters of recommendation for people i don't get to see daily anymore and i don't know why i put so much pressure on myself to get these things right but i do and i heard that writing as a skill is going away and i can't disagree [and i'm like] just take my children i swear they're awesome [300230; x02030; 320030] take my children i swear they're awesome you'll really love them as i have loved them
4.
5.
enjambment 04:17
capo 4 024200 225000 335000 35500 i don't fucking care anymore i don't fucking care i haven't felt like i could sleep in around five weeks without letting anyone down i fade in and out like a laptop's bad battery i'm a smart phone small supercomputer thin i overheat x54 x30 do you know what i mean change my name to disaster an out-of-room crash that chills out on the floor when everything is tired in lieu of flowers send alcohol to teachers and nurses my favorite curse is fuck you there's a way to say it to someone who loves you my favorite phrase is i feel that too i want to be honest but not scare you
6.
the aglet got shredded on my left shoe i'm not sure at all how that happened it was a jarring fringe I only noticed when I bent down to tie it rosencrantz + guildenstern are dead + so are my grandparents and all of their friends anyone they looked up to or hated i take pictures all the time because no one will remember any of this i've gotten really obsessed w/ photographs of the great depression i love seeing people being normal in ways i can't imagine rosencrantz + guildenstern are dead + so are all those peoples' parents + most of their friends performers of stage shows they loved or hated they didn't take any of their own pictures + nothing they remembered is remembered again all anyone can do is guess i remember being seven and realizing i will never think like this ever again
7.
a road trip to a funeral another halfway tuxedo i'm sorry for ducking you again it's been a lot each of these weekends someone's getting sick the world's big shadow hand reaches again the pokemon movie hit us hard multiple deaths and religious implications how many wakes does one go to before they are woke a rainfall let the water hold me down let the water hold me down i couldn't believe it in the vending machine little dumb things costing 2.50 i guess virginia loves pickles kosher pickles you didn't ask if i got one i'll never tell i'll never tell
8.
a green fruit candy labeled 'classic series' asks a lot of questions, makes you search for meaning like when that crew ahead of you said without context 'we crossing out here. we ready to die out here.' an all-time line said by jaywalkers ignoring the light your face turns paler and red at the same time the wind is serrated or your leggings are trash and properly rated when carrot soup looks like pumpkin pie paste i don't know what it means i hide my phone from myself on weekends so i have less to misread and i really haven't had a full conversation with my friend at work in a couple of weeks, so: hope it's probably okay. i'm doing okay. how are you?
9.
a splitting headache because i'm sensitive to light you joke that since you're in my life, it should hurt all the time but you blackout the room, pull the curtains all the way to the side the gesture's nice i close my eyes ditch me in a minute read a novel please i'm not being sarcastic please take whatever you need you make yourself some tea watch jeopardy! or something and let it let away the splitting headache because i'm sensitive to light i pop two liquid-gels like the water'll put out the fire but you are a scientist you know how a grease fire is smothered it takes a lot of time waiting out and having something to look forward to

credits

released November 12, 2017

two guitars, one piano, one mic, and voice. recorded in several minutes in the and/or hq in october/november 2017. the artist thanks all the people that helped inspire these stories. play songs. support music. do your best. live your life.

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